there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize