The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
