FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
