i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
