whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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