Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You are the jesus of drinking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
