Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
