I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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