I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
