you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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