so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
