i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
