I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's official drugs can't kill me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
