I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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