I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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