I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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