Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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