Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
