My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
