When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
