these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
