$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
