no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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