you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
