awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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