So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
