My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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