K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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