This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it was like eating out sand paper
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
