All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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