your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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