first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
