I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
