Duck Duck Cougar?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
