I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize