Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
