dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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