i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
