the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
