He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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