Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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