he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
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