he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize