I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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