even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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