I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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