She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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