I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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