Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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