Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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