She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
