so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you inspire me to be a worse person
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
