If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i drank out of a bidet.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
