idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
