Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
