I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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