I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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