sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
