You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
