Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
