Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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