I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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