Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
