call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
