my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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